Goals

Integrity

I define integrity as having having all the parts of the self - beliefs, feelings, emotions, actions, goals - in alignment. Not being in integrity leads to divided efforts and confusion; being in integrity a person becomes a powerful force.

Revitalization

Everyday life can drain us and no one wants to go through life exhausted. Overall, life is to be enjoyed. Prioritizing time to recharge is a foundational must do. I have 13 re-sourcing tips listed below such as Selective Media & Consumerism Exposure, Nature Awareness, and Traveling. A little help from a life coach in choosing, planning, and implementing can get you back on track.

Purpose & Motivation

Without purpose we are adrift in a sea of meaninglessness. Purpose gives direction, focus, satisfaction, a sense of aliveness, and it steers us through adversity. I believe everyone has a purpose, a reason detre, whether you know it yet or not. Hence, step one is figuring out what brings you to life.

Achieving Clarity & Being at Choice

Most of the time there are many more choices available than we can see by ourselves. Stress makes it seem as if we have few or no choices, thus compounding the stress and further obfuscating our vision. Having a second set of eyes on a situation can be invaluable in seeing the forest for the trees. Further, this is a learnable skill.

Identifying & Speaking Your Truth

So easy to say and so hard to do. Why is that? Because our truth goes straight to the core of who we are, thus saying it out loud exposes our vulnerabilities. Will you be attacked, rejected, dismissed, abandoned... Yet, what is the alternative - self denial, repression, passive-aggressiveness, etc. Speaking your truth will set you free, but there are boundaries and there is an art to it.

Manifesting What You Want

Manifesting starts with knowing what you want. How do we really know what we want? Well, one can apply rational (which I advise using) or their is doing what we are supposed to do. And then there is a 'knowing', a sense of YES, a magnetic attraction, a feeling of aliveness when you picture what you truly want, even when it doesn't make sense on paper. Next you must cultivate the audacity to ask for exactly what you want, without apology. This is setting intent. Last, is simply following that golden thread of intention to fruition.

Grounding & Centering

Centering and grounding are a body-mind state in which a person is ready yet relaxed, connected, prepared to defend, but simultaneously open, accepting without losing one's own opinion, beliefs, or perspectives. In short, it is an optimal state for meeting the challenges of relationships with the goal of establishing harmony. This is a learnable skill and it is foundational.

Somatic Awareness & Intuition Development

We live in a society of talking heads cut off from our bodies. So we are left on our own to learn how to access intuition. I believe this is best done via the body. But like children we need to let go of what we think we know and let the information come to us. I believe that the brain is not confined to the head but consists of the entire nervous system throughout the soma. Our body is a treasure trove of information about our selves and the world. This knowledge is vital for making wise decisions.

Emotional Expression & Stability

Emotions get short shrift in our society, thus are often repressed or out of control. To the contrary, emotions are the foundation of experience, the stuff of life. E.E. Cummings and Rumi don't write about their cognition; rather they use their cognition to convey their emotional experiences of beauty, grief, wonder, horror, triumph, and injustice. When emotions are the master of the house, that is, control our actions, they create chaos. There are many tools available to shift this paradigm from emotions controlling to informing and enriching.

Identifying and Working Through Block & Drains

We all have things in our lives that drain our vitality or stop us from manifesting what we truly want. But much of the time we are blind to them. We don't realize there are more choices available to us than we can see on our own. An example of a drain is having good ideas for your workplace and having them dismissed by a supervisor or feeling insecure about speaking them. A block is a belief that 'I can't', when in fact, you 'can'. It is a fear of failure or worse, fear of success. Getting a outside perspective is key in this endeavor, as is, encouragement and even sometimes a gentle kick in the keister to move beyond our limits and plug-up our drains.

Anger Management

Anger is a given of the human condition. Hence, anger is not inherently bad. It is a universal emotion, but one that can get us into trouble without the necessary tools to utilize it. In fact, it is essential to good boundaries, recovery from emotional wounding, and speaking your truth, especially when dealing with transgression. Like fire, anger must be handled properly so as not to burn our self or others. But, properly utilized it can warm our home and cooks our food.

Connection & Intimacy

There are only 3 or 4 things in life that make living worth living and this is one. Isolation, exile, and forsaking is one of the harshest punishments that can be leveled on a person. In other words, loneliness. This because connection is so vital to well being. It is those who we are close to that we want to share our successes with and who we turn to in times of difficulty or failure. It is only through connection, on a personal and group level, that humanity can reconcile its conflicts.

Communication Skill Building

Every endeavor necessitates interaction and this is dependent on clear communication, verbal and non-verbal. This takes place with others others and within our own minds. Whether it be thinking through an idea or expressing our feelings to a loved one or colonizing Mars, effective communication is the life blood. In fact, the governing of a country is based on one main thing: communication. Effective communication takes the practice and honing of several of the other skills on this list. And it is well worth the effort because it is the golden ticket to The Chocolate Factory.

Finding Your Creativity & Playfulness

It feels soooo good to do something creative! It makes a person feel alive, feel "YES", feel renewed, feel revitalized, and feel just plain good. And there are so many ways to express ourselves creatively - write a poem, paint a picture, take a photo, do a dance, make a sandcastle, sing a song, make a collage, knit a scarf; the internet is riddled with DIY inspirations. So what is stopping people? The critic, judgement, self-doubt, self-reproach, etc. Having someone to non-judgmentally support us in this endeavor makes all the difference. And once you get started you will be hooked.

Grieving

Grief is terrifying and painful. It means that we have lost someone or something we can never get back. Grief is also a given of life and ancient as life itself. Our society, with its focus on 'youth' and 'the new', holds little to no space for grief; it is relegated to the shadows. Yet, grief is the very thing that makes renewal possible. It washed out the toxins and revitalized life anew. There is no wrong way to grieve, but grieve we must less it accumulate. The elders of the Dagara tribe believe that the core problem of modern societies is that they are buried under a tsunami of unresolved grief. Millennia of inter-generational compounded from a variety of sources, natural to man-made, personal to global, only begets more trauma thus more unresolved grief. Grief is not a concept, it is a visceral messy experience that takes support to process and resolve.

Healing Emotional Trauma Wounds

This is the most work of any goal listed here because it is the deepest layer and involves working on almost every goal on this list. Habits and actions are the most accessible layer a person can change to positive effect. Next is thought patterns and after that is beliefs. One layer deeper is emotional patterns; they can be shifted and intensity spikes can be managed and avoided. Deepest is emotional wounding which is often inculcated and calcified over decades. It takes dedication over time but a person can heal. Without healing of emotional wounds a person closes off parts of themselves because that part is a raw nerve, excruciating when touch. With healing comes the ability to trust, to give freely, to receive freely, to experience deep intimacy, compassion, & confidence, in short, the ability to live all of the best parts of being human out loud.

Intent Setting

This is the golden thread that gets you through the labyrinth to your goal. Intent setting is a learned discipline and an essential asset of the accomplished. The ability to visualize the end point, fix it in your mind, contend with unpredictable obstacles, and persevere to fruition is an advanced skill. Choosing what you set your intent upon is paramount. Must it be rational and practical? Hell no, but it must wrought with passion and authentic to your purpose because that is what carries you through the seemingly impossible. The most difficult obstacle a person will face is self-doubt. Do you need to face this on your own? Not at all, the accomplished draw on every resource available.

Assertiveness Training

Learning to be assertive goes in one of two directions. 1) increasing assertiveness or decreasing aggression. Either way, being assertive means communicating in a grounded, centered, clear, articulate, uncompromising yet tactful, respectful manner and holding healthy boundaries. This involves feeling your emotions in a manner where you are not controlled by them nor repressing them, but rather are simply aware of them or better yet, informed by your emotions. All this starts with incorporating the belief that you absolutely have the right to feel what you are feeling and to speak your mind

Boundary Setting

"Good fences make good neighbors". Knowing the boundaries of what you are okay with and not okay with is essential to healthy functional relationships. Over extending outside of our boundaries or having our boundaries transgressed will make us feel small, weak, insignificant, drained, depressed, and anxious. Further, it can lead to passive-aggressive actions and low self-esteem. Learning to hold good boundaries starts with two things, getting in touch with your anger and learning to say, "no". And good boundaries ends in self-confidence and self-respect.

Forgiveness

Let's have an understanding, forgiveness is not for the other person. It is not about letting someone off the hook. It is about unburdening your heart of the hurt that you are carrying. You are free to carry the hurt to your grave, that is your prerogative. However, if you are ready for something different, something lighter then it is time for forgiveness. Further, forgiveness of oneself for wrongs that you have done to others or to oneself is a different path necessitating different actions, but just as necessary for unshackling from the past and moving forward.

Overcoming Fears

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." DUNE
This quote is from one of my favorite novels. It is a warrior's affirmation or mantra. We all need to be a warrior at times and I believe that we all have that potential. Warriors act with courage which is not the lack of fear. Rather, it is taking positive actions when one is fearful.

Cultivating Compassion for Self and Others

The yardstick we measure others with is the same one we measure ourselves with and quite often beat ourselves and other over the head with. Compassion, that is, shared passion/ emotions, it is a form of empathy that starts with knowing that you are not perfect, never will be, and that is okay. You have fucked up at some point in the past and that it is going to happen again and that is okay and so has every person around you, and that is okay too and so is this run-on sentence or at least it can be okay, if you are willing to do the work of empathy and forgiveness both for yourself and others. Without compassion and forgiveness we will go through life rigid, full of negative judgement, annoyed, and even hateful. Compassion is the ability to know that we, together, are imperfect beings living messy lives and accept that that is okay.

Mindfulness and Meta-awareness

At any given moment there are innumerable amounts of information coming from the environment and from our own body. Within the brain is a set of filters reducing that torrent of information to a manageable trickle. This filter is shaped by societal culture, familial culture, and personal habit. It is like wearing blinders. However, this is not a bad thing, it has its place. Just as long as it is not the only thing. Learning mindfulness is like going from black & white to technicolor 3D. It is an awakening to a richer level of awareness while centered in the present moment, free from distracting thoughts and anxiety about the past and/or future. Even just 10% of this puts us in a position of choice, in other words, gives us freedom. Further, it gives us a richer sense of being alive. Meta-awareness, is being aware that we are aware. Together these are the achievable higher levels of development in consciousness spoken of by Maslow, Jung, and many religious/ spiritual tradition practitioners. Realizing these levels of awareness enables us to move beyond the perspective of the personal (the ego) and better understand and observe oneself, others, and our world from an objective perspective. Then we can better understand how we are connected to, how we affect each other, the world, what our place is in it.

Trust & Trustworthiness

Trust is the crux of all healthy and functional relationships - in a romantic relationship, a friendship, within a family, between coworkers and members of a community. Secure attachment. intimacy, and enjoyment of a relationship comes down to being able to trust and being trustworthy. People that have been traumatized or grew up in an unstable household often form an implicit belief that is safer to be hypervigilant and expect the worst from people, even loved ones. This way they are ready when shit goes down. This is what they need to do to survive. However, as adults trust and trustworthiness is a foreign concept; they simply don't know how because they never were shown how. Learning clarity is key and the best place to start is learning to be trustworthy.

Anger to Action

These days it seems like there is so very much to be angry at. And let's be forthright, self-righteous anger can feel good. Whether it is about your boss's ineptness or leveled at a politician's lies or your sports team losing or even at something a loved one did, being right and angry can gives us a nice dopamine hit. Generally speaking, anger is a natural and healthy reaction to danger and injustice. However, when this becomes a repeat pattern that goes nowhere, that is a problem. Eventually it leads to a quagmire of resentment and a sense of impotence. However, anger can be a great source of energy and motivation. The energy needs to go somewhere and there is a lot of actions anger can be channeled into. The action does not have to go directly into the problem, it just might be a matter of burning the anger off with a certain type of exercise. Creative expression, writing, activism are a few other suggestions.

Addiction Services

Corporations prey upon our innate human tendency for forming habits. Shopping, sex, alcohol, opiates, food, gambling, dieting, fitting a certain image, using a cell phone, gaming, surfing the internet, gossiping on Facebook & Twitter, politics, etc. They have made a science of hooking us into being addicted. This is a tremendous source of drains and blocks to vitality and satisfaction identifying, limiting and/or ceasing these activities is essential to taking back our lives and our power.

Depression & Anxiety Reduction

Depression, anxiety, and trauma are perhaps the largest unaddressed and readily reducible problems in society today. These issues can start to be relieved in the first session with some simple changes and just knowing that help is on the way. Now, there are no easy solutions. The changes will take a good bit energy in the form of active work, but then again, passively being depressed or anxious robs us of a great deal of energy. Better to invest that energy in moving toward the life you want to live rather than feeling like life is running roughshod over you.

Re-Sourcing

Here is a collection of 13 re-sources to reconnect to your Source of strength, revitalization, joy, motivation, and healing.

Part of what I offer is help in structuring re-sources (of your choice) into your life in a manner that is not burdensome and will carry on long after our work has concluded. I will work with you on choosing the specifics of particular re-sourcing. For example, if you choose to work on exercise / movement for well being, we will brainstorm ideas that are first and foremost enjoyable, attainable, and sustainable, such as stretching at your desk, going for walks, hiking, dance lessons, martial arts, gardening, etc. There are myriad options, but sometimes what is needed to get started is a little encouragement from a coach. Further, after choosing a specific option, we will then work on breaking inertia and following through until the momentum of the benefits carry you along.

Eating for Well Being: What you eat directly effects performance and perspective. Eating whole foods (that is, non-processed and non-canned foods) and keeping a reasonable intake of sugar, caffeine, alcohol, and energy drinks are directly tied to effectiveness of cognition and emotional stability. Last, eating fresh and well made food is one of the greatest pleasures of life.

Sleeping for Well Being: A full night of quality sleep is essential to efficient cognition and a good mood, as well as, a longer life. Also, naps are clinically proven to be good for your health and can be owe so enjoyable. Further, a night of interesting dreams is a simple, yet great pleasure. If your sleep quality is poor I suggest googling sleep hygiene which is a list of simple hacks. And if your dreams are not conducive to rest there is surely some content that is needing to be processed.

Exercising / Movement for Well Being: The mind and the body are one entity; exercise releases pent up stress, aids digestion, reduces depression, and has the paradoxical effect of giving you more energy. Just taking a walk can be delightful and it's free.

Nature Awareness for Well Being: Be it a mountainside or the beach, the natural world is bursting with vitality. Even just listening to birdsong outside your window or observing a healthy house plant can raise one's spirits and calm the mind. We are fortunate that the Bay Area is brimming with parks and preserves.

Creative Expression for Well Being: We were often taught to fear art let alone making art. That's is why I ask you to drop the idea of making art, such as a painting, singing, or writing a poem, and simple express yourself creatively. This is not about comparisons, compliments, or the final product. Rather, it is about letting something come through you. It is about the experience of creating, not for money or adulation, but just because the act itself feels so damn good.

Journaling for Well Being: Jumbled thoughts and mixed up feelings can produce anxiety. Writing them out is an effective way to clarify thoughts, beliefs, and feelings, quiet the internal dialogue, and to 'know thyself'. Journaling can be utilized in exploring the undiscovered county of our mind and mirror our patterns back to us. I choose from 100's of journaling questions as primers then guide clients to deepen and broaden their self-understanding. One never knows where a simple question will lead, if you know how to look.

Spirituality for Well Being: Spirituality is many things to many people. One thing that unites this plethora of perspectives is the indescribable states we call spiritual. I believe that humans have an innate need to experience these states of consciousness. Spiritual experiences such as awe, reverence, sacredness, unity, bliss, interconnectedness, zen, and grace are often rare and fleeting. None the less, these profound experience connect us to a reality larger than our personal needs, inform our day to day actions, and give direction to our lives much the way the light of the stars enabled ancient sailors to navigate the seas.

Intellectual Pursuits for Well Being: Learning, studying, discovering new topics, solving conceptual problems, and especially creating new knowledge can be stimulating and enlivening. And there is soooo much knowledge out there! Now, with the internet, it is accessible to everyone. There are entire college degrees available for free. Further, there are 'Meet Up' groups where one can get together with like-minded people and discuss politics or roasting coffee, for example. Further, there are museums where tangible artifacts of natural history, culture, art, science, computers, aviation, etc. can be directly experienced. The only question left is, what gets you excited?

Traveling for Well Being: We are creatures of habit. Habit can be a comforting and stabilizing factor while at other times it can be a cage. Predictability and domesticity can make the world seem small and monotonous. Breaking trail and stepping outside of the trappings of our everyday lives from time to time gives us perspective and can be revitalizing. We need new and fresh experiences, landscapes, seascapes, foods, people, cultures to reinvigorate our imagination and wonder and once again help us to fall in love with being alive.

Relationships & Community for Well Being:
There is no stronger foundation than a healthy functional wolf pack. "And it really doesn't matter if I'm wrong. I'm right. Where I belong I'm right where I belong" Fixing a Hole, The Beatles. When you are with people with which you are a good fit, where you are free to grow, to explore, to speak your truth, to simply do what feels good and are supported - even when you are wrong - you are where you belong. It is where you can seek shelter to be taken care of when you are ill, lick your wounds when you have failed or to share your success. This is a difficult thing to find in today's hyper-individualistic America, but not impossible and well worth the effort. A healthy wolf pack can take many forms; a life-partner, a bio-family, a family of choice, friends, a religious group, a workplace group, a residential community, etc. Last, it is within these wolf packs that two of the greatest purposes in life can be enacted - intimacy and being of service.

Orderliness, Cleanliness, & Hygiene for Well Being:
In today's busy work a day world it is easy to let this go to the way side. Picture this, the dishes are clean and put away, laundry is washed, hung up, and neatly ordered in draws, the toilet is sparkling clean, the bed is made with fresh sheets, and there is a fresh clean smell through out your home. Doesn't that just spark joy! Marie Condo would be proud. Further, imagine you just got a hair cut and/ or a shave and took a long hot refreshing shower, cut your nails, cleaned your ears, and brushed/ flossed your teeth. Just as a thought experiment, imaging doing this as mindfulness and gratitude meditation. Please, remember, our inner world is a reflection of our outer world and vise versa. Changing the cleanliness and order of your environment can have surprisingly constructive effects.

Healthy Sexuality for Well Being:
Now here is a sensitive and triggering subject. Society constantly doles out contradictory messages. It is no wonder sexuality is confusing and so difficult to talk about. Yet it is an integral part of who we are as human beings. Shame of one's sexuality is a huge energy drain, but when we accept and even take pride in our sexuality it becomes a source of strength and joy. This can be a rocky journey, but well worth the effort. Every person owns and expresses their sexuality in a way that is unique. Discovering, healing, and living one's sexuality can be one of the most freeing things a person can ever do.

Selective Media & Consumerism Exposure for Well Being:
YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Netflix, Paid TV, Amazon, Ebay, consumer ads, political ads, so on and so forth. We are inundated daily with a tsunami of media. It is exhausting and simultaneously addicting. Being selective about what, when, where, and how we consume media today is essential to well being. Media heavily influences our self-image, self esteem, stress level, sleep, productivity, mood, and even our thoughts. I suggest a two pronged approach in this area. First, make small changes. For instance, instead of watching The Walking Dead or the political news before you go to sleep, watch something conducive to sweet dreams, like Queer Eye. Second, break the hold that media has over your brain by taking occasional fasts. Go for a walk without your phone or better yet, once a week take an electronics free day.

Sauna, Hot Tub, & Hot Springs:
Pure enjoyment and oh so wonderful. This is one of the very best ways to relax the body and sooth the soul. In a world demanding more, more, more, the simplicity of a sauna, hot tub soak or best of all, a hot spring, is like a mini-vacation. Throughout history cultures the world over have utilized these activities for healing and revitalization. If you have never indulged before, it is easier than you think.

Massage, Cupping, & Chiropractic:
These three health modalities are easily overlooked. Yet, the restorative powers of each is huge. It is important to find the right fit, but ask anyone how they are feeling after a session and they will say, "wonderful!" Better yet, just look at them and you will see the vibrancy in their eyes. Further, connection through touch (non-sexual) is a great way to learn to be comfortable with other people, that is to simply receive and trust.

Stretching and Mindful Movement:
We are not built to be sedentary, that is, sitting at a desk, on a couch, or driving for hours at a time. Many of the body's systems - lymphatic, digestive, musculoskeletal - require movement for healthy and effective functioning. Without regular stretching and movement throughout the day the body/mind will become diseased. The best place to start, as always, is where you are at, not where you think you should be. There are exercises for every level of fitness and body type. And once you start the ball rolling, it feels sooooo good!

Use Your Hands:
There is something so satisfying about doing skilled activities with our hands. Knitting, gardening, writing with a pen, playing music, cooking, automotive work, drawing, woodworking, you name it. For the entirety of human existence we have been using our hands to make a life for ourselves. If you can engage in an activity with your hands, apart from making money, can fill you with an unparalleled sense of satisfaction.

A TALE OF TWO WOLVES, a Native American Teaching Story

A NATIVE AMERICAN BRAVE HAD A DREAM. HE KNEW IT WAS NO ORDINARY DREAM. HE HAD A KNOWING THAT IT WAS A 'BIG DREAM' THAT CONCERNED HIS DESTINY, BUT DID NOT UNDERSTAND IT SO HE SOUGHT GUIDANCE FROM THE TRIBE'S SHAMAN. THE BRAVE EXPLAINED THAT IN THE FIRST PART OF HIS DREAM HE WAS STANDING IN AN OPEN FIELD WITH THE SUN UPON HIS FACE AND THE WIND GENTLY BLOWING THE TALL GRASS. A WOLF APPROACHED HIM. WITHOUT HESITATION, HE AND THE WOLF WERE PLAYING TOGETHER, AFFECTIONATELY ROLLING AROUND, CHASING ONE ANOTHER WITH ABANDON. HE STROKED THE WOLF'S FUR AND THE WOLF LICKED HIS FACE. IN THE LATER HALF OF THE DREAM THE BRAVE FOUND HIMSELF STANDING IN THE SAME FIELD, WITH THE SAME SUN, AND SAME THE WIND BLOWING THE GRASS. A WOLF APPROACHED. ONLY THIS TIME THE WOLF ATTACKED HIM SAVAGELY AND TORE HIM TO SHREDS. THE BRAVE IMPLORED THE SHAMAN FOR GUIDANCE. THE BRAVE EXPLAINED THAT HE FELT THAT ONE OF THE 2 WOLVES WAS COMING FOR HIM, BUT HE DID NOT KNOW WHICH ONE. THE SHAMAN REPLIED, "OH, THAT IS SIMPLE. IT IS THE WOLF THAT YOU FEED"

Helpful Links to Tools and Informational Resources

Over a lifetime I have compiled a list of books, movies, videos, lectures, and other resources that I have found helpful and I would like to share them with you.